Insights and Answers

by Rachel Rowlson, CCSW, LMFT, CHT

Dear Rachel: I just finished reading Shirley Maclaine's The Camino about her spiritual journey across Northern Spain. I have several friends who have taken time out of their lives to tour India looking for spiritual enlightenment or have taken their vacations at spiritual retreats. You have gone to Ecuador to work with the Shamans there.

My husband died three years ago. I am a working mother with three kids. I don't have anyone to help me with the kids, so I can't leave them and go on a spiritual journey. I can't even get a weekend to myself. I so long for a chance to connect to the spiritual realms. Do you have any ideas on what I can do? I.E. Chapel Hill, N. C.

Dear I.E.: I am very sorry to hear you lost your husband, and I know raising children by yourself can be an overwhelming task. Sometimes it is hard to understand why we are thrust into certain situations. I can fully appreciate how the circumstances of your life make it hard for you to feel you have the time or energy for inner reflection.

Life has a rhythm to it; right now is your time to focus on your children, your career and your support system. Shirley Maclaine is in her sixties on her El Camino trip. I was 49 years old when I went to Ecuador and my youngest child had just turned 21. I suspect your life is hectic, leading you to long for the promise of inner peace and the sense of safety that comes from knowing others are looking out for you.

Spiritual journeys like the ones you've mentioned above tend to create a period of upheaval and transformation, not immediate inner peace. Discovering more about one's true self and connections to Spirit include a period of releasing. Releasing what is known and accepted causes turmoil and confusion. Out of this chaos comes a new order and a new understanding. Taking time out of ordinary life to move more quickly and completely into positive chaos is not an avenue open to most folks.

Life itself is a Spiritual Journey. Gentle spiritual growth is as valid as, and is often more powerful and lasting than, the trips to other lands and cultures that people like Shirley and I have taken. Each breath you take can help you along your spiritual path. Relearn to breathe as you did when newly born, before fear and trouble entered your life. The first half of the breath is the breath out. The second half is divided into two parts. First, allow your lungs to refill, then gently pull in more air. Just be sure to focus on releasing as much air from your lungs as possible with each breath. The rest tends to follow on its own. Breathing in this way keeps you calm and centered. Practice until it is your natural breathing pattern.

Making how we breathe a conscious choice is one of the most powerful tools we have over our own lives. Our breath controls our emotions. When our emotions are under control, we think more clearly, make better decisions, and feel more closely connected to our spiritual selves. All else follows from how we breathe.

Define what it means to you to be on a spiritual path. What would you expect to learn? What do you think would happen? How would it change your life and your relationships? How would it change your values and actions? The study of these questions is a spiritual journey. Learning more about yourself and why you feel and act as you do is a spiritual journey. Choosing how you wish to live your beliefs and values and pushing yourself to be better and better is a spiritual journey.

Many people believe that becoming more spiritual means life will get easier. Do not make this mistake. Choosing a spiritual path means asking to be continuously confronted with your own fears, false beliefs and inappropriate actions. As you learn and grow, the situations get more difficult. Think of it like school. A first grader is not expected to be able to handle high school. High school is easier than college. Humans are like pearls: our souls grow larger and more beautiful as the irritants threaten to drown us.

Raising three children by yourself means you have enough challenges and chaos in your life. Think of the situations presented to you each day as your spiritual tests. How are you becoming more patient? How do you stay focused? How much compassion and love are you able to give? How much are you willing to request? What kind of values and morals are you modeling for your children? Are you teaching them appropriate boundaries and how to be a good friend? Are you teaching them how to stand up for themselves? How are you allowing joys into your life? All of these are spiritual journey lessons and they are coming in your front door. The more I think of how difficult each day must be for you, the more I recognize what a powerful spiritual journey you are on right now.

If you want, later in life you will be able to take a special journey as did your friends, Shirley and I, but for now, please recognize and give yourself credit for all you do each day. Take care, Rachel

Rachel Rowlson integrates 20 years experience as a psychotherapist with a lifetime of training in metaphysical concepts and healing modalities in her work as a healer and intuitive counselor as well as in her writing and workshops. Send questions to Rachel at 109 Breakers Place, Cary, NC 27511. Questions will only be answered in this column and may take several months to be printed.