Amabel

by Sherrie Dillard, M.Div., C.Ht.

My mother died on August 30th, 2001. It was almost to the day a year earlier That she underwent surgery for colon cancer. Her doctor met myself, my sister, and my brother in the waiting room after the surgery. He told us that the operation had been successful. He had removed the large tumor from her colon. It was almost under his breath that he told us that the cancer had spread to her liver. He said that she had maybe a year to live. I sat on my mother's bed a few days later when the doctor told her the same news. We cried and she let me give her Reiki.

I remember receiving a call from her a week before the surgery. I had had a busy morning giving readings. I work as a medical intuitive, medium and psychic. I had given two medical readings that morning to people in California. In one call, I scanned a man's body and told him that I detected colon cancer. He confirmed that was true and we talked about different paths of healing. A few hours later, my mother called and told me that in a colonoscopy they had found a large tumor. After the call I sat in silence. Why had I not been able to "see" my own mother's cancer? I was both confused by my lack of awareness, and sad that after a life of struggle and depression my mother was now seriously ill. I had for years previously asked my mother to seek out sources of healing that would be beneficial and comfortable for her. She did not accept my suggestions with ease, replying usually with uncomfortable silence.

My mother's illness was difficult physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. She suffered greatly yet resisted suggestions and offers of help. She seemed lonely and unable to communicate or even to be aware of her needs. Even as the cancer grew and spread to other areas in her body, she hid in the safety of denial, refusing any treatment or assistance.

Throughout the year I continued to see clients. I gave readings and offered help and support to others. I worked with a man during this period who also had cancer in his liver. He worked with Reiki and his guides. He worked to understand his life and seek healing from both physical and nonphysical sources. He became familiar with the world of spirit and also drew closer to his family and loved one here. He died peacefully one morning with family and friends gently singing to him. A few days after his death, one of his daughters called me and told me that her father before his death asked her to keep his upcoming appointment with me. She came in a few days later, and her father shared with her from spirit his arrival in the light, and the peace that he now felt. He also joked with her about her music selections for his memorial service that she had been working on that morning.

With my own mother, except for my daily prayers I felt powerless. She Withdrew from me and sunk into what seemed an almost unreachable place. I felt I would have done anything to help her.

One night she called me, in an extreme emotional state. She asked me for forgiveness, and wept. I offered her compassion. I asked her to try and allow her own pain to ease the pain of others. Knowing her devotion to children and her desire to be of service, I encouraged her to let her own pain encompass the pain and anguish of children in need. I told her that maybe in her suffering she could transmute the pain of others. She told me she could do this.

She continued to decline. Gradually, as the cancer spread to her brain, she slipped into confusion and at times was very angry and distraught. I would talk to her of what I know about death. For years, I have communicated as a medium for loved ones in spirit. I told her that those in spirit often told me that there was a warmth and light beyond the physical that healed and sustained them. They told me that dying was being born into freedom and unconditional love. She told me that sometimes she would see her "dead" mother and brother at the foot of her bed. I told her that they would be holding her hand and help her into the light. She said that she felt she was being pulled in two directions. She felt like the earth was drawing her down and the sky was pulling her up. She wanted to talk about death. She wanted to talk about dying. She thanked me for listening.

She was very sad the last time I saw her in a physical body. She knew she would be leaving soon. A few days later, at 4:16 in the morning the dial tone on my conference phone turned on very loudly. I knew she was saying goodbye. A peaceful death is a great blessing. I wish we could all live so that our deaths reflect a greater love. I know that this is not always possible. We usually die as we have lived. I have learned we all have our own processes. Through my mother's life and death, I have learned to be a witness, to hold Others' unfolding journey. To bless what is. I did not want my mother to suffer. I wanted her to feel the peace and love that I knew were available to her. Yet her journey was her own, a beautiful rose with so many thorns.

Sherrie Dillard M. Div. C.Ht. has been a professional psychic/ clairvoyant, medical intuitive, and medium for over twenty years. She is also a Reiki Master and teaches classes in intuition development and spiritual growth. She has a degree in Psychology and a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology. She can be reached at 919 286-4016 or at SDillard1@nc.rr.com.