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By Kent Nerburn
ISBN: 1577311191
Publisher: New World Library
Pub. Date: May 2000
 We
teach our children that forgiveness is essential, and we seek
to put this ideal into practice. Yet how do we explain to
them - and ourselves - exactly how to forgive, especially
when faced with the mindless, unspeakable cruelty that appears
to be rampant in the world today?
Kent Nerburn tackles this question
head-on in CALM SURRENDER. The genesis of this insightful
book was a disturbing story of animal abuse, related to the
author in a letter from a young man who looked to him as a
close friend and advisor. While walking to the neighborhood
store, the man and his young daughter had encountered the
pitiful sight of a neglected little dog. Badly undernourished,
it was chained to a tree in the backyard of a house belonging
to members of a violent motorcycle gang. Its food and water
dishes had been overturned, and it was obvious from the dust
on them that they had not been filled in several days. The
little girl had asked her father what they could do to help
relieve the dog's suffering. Fearing what its owners might
do to them if he interfered, all he had been able to do was
to ineffectually mumble, "I don't know. I'll think of
something."
He had struggled in vain to
fight back tears of rage and shame, suddenly overwhelmed with
the thought of all of the other abused animals, and the countless
other forms of incomprehensible cruelty in the world. He knew
that he could call the animal control people to help the dog,
but, as he confided to Nerburn, ". . . what about all
the other little dogs? What about all the old people trapped
in their houses like dogs chained to fences because they are
afraid to go out on the street? . . . That little pup broke
my heart, but it was just the last straw, a pitiful symbol
of everything heartless and cruel in this world." How,
he asked can we forgive the perpetrators when we are witness
to this kind of inhuman brutality - especially when we know
that doing so does nothing to relieve the suffering of its
victims.
The letter struck a nerve with
Nerburn, and in his response he shared the depth of his feelings
on the subject. Subsequently, his friend suggested that he
continue his examination of forgiveness by writing a book
about it. The result is a gentle, insightful work - one which
does not attempt to provide facile, "feel-good"
answers to the questions it poses. Instead, through a series
of narratives and reflections, it invites the reader to share
the author's own inner journey "in search of a path of
forgiveness . . . a search for the elusive angels of compassion
and understanding while wrestling with the devils of cruelty,
anger, and injustice."
From a drunken father's abuse
of his daughters, to the pain and mental anguish suffered
by his mother-in-law at the hands of an uncaring healthcare
system, the agonizing loneliness of a mother whose child was
taken away by an act of senseless violence, the horrific death
and devastation visited on nature and its creatures by the
Exxon Valdez oil spill - through these and other stories he
interweaves a way of seeing these events that gives us new
ways of seeing them through the eyes of wisdom and compassion.
It is a way of seeing that
seeks never to gloss over, trivialize or passively accept
acts of cruelty and injustice, but which makes possible an
active response to them. It is a way of seeing which is informed
by his deep and abiding love and understanding of Native American
spiritual , as well as a firm grounding in the most tender
mercies of the Judeo-Christian tradition. Toward the end of
the book, Nerburn returns to the problem of with reflections
on how we can impart the true spirit of forgiveness to our
children. He tells us:
"We must show them the
cruelty, then teach them how to love. We must show them the
injustice, then teach them how to serve. We must opent heir
eyes to the sunset and the murmuring tides. We must teach
them how to hallow life, to value kindness, to honor the strong
who lift upt he weak. And then we must take their hands and
lead them to a high place where they can look out over the
vast richness of life and recognize that it is good.
Then, in the final chapter,
he shares some further exchanges with the young man whose
letter had started him on this journey, as well as a wonderful
note from the daughter. It is a lovely, lighthearted ending
for most thoughtful and engaging book. In only 142 pages,
CALM SURRENDER manages to speak volumes on what it means to
forgive other, as well as oneself. It is an inspiring little
gem of a book, which many readers will turn to again and again,
for the wisdom, love and strength of its message.
- Review by Boz
Martyn
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