Magnetism: Tools to Enhance Our Relationships
Finding Your Soulmate

by Sherri Hughes Sokol, C.Ht.

Interested in finding the love of your life but don't know where to start? Many of us go through life looking for an ideal partner and relationship but not sure how to find either.

You might find some quiet time to reflect on your heart's desire and begin to visualize how you want your life to look. One of the ways to attract positive people and things into your life is by first creating a positive vision in your mind about what you really want in your life. Ask yourself "At this place in my life what type of relationship do I really want to be in?" Casual, exclusive, sexual, long-term, friends, marriage.we do have lots of choices today and we're also free to create something entirely unique to our life. It helps to start here to get a picture of how you want your life and a relationship to look.

From your vision of this relationship, paint a picture of how a partner in this relationship will look. These traits will vary according to the type of relationship vision you have. Some traits might include fun, adventuresome, family-oriented, integrity, wealthy, etc. Try to leave physical traits out of the description because it limits our thoughts of people. Now that you have a list of ideal traits, it's good to practice these things in your own life to attract this to you. This is a little tougher to actually do than to look for in another.

Now mentally create a vision of a "happy you" doing something that brings joy to your life. Whether it's working or playing or just hanging out, get a feel for what you would really like your life to look like - where you would like to live, the kind of car you want to drive, maybe a particular job you want to do - and FEEL how good it is to have these things in your life. Feel how great it is just to be you. Now, add someone special into that picture that will add richness and value to an already happy life. It's not necessary to visualize the person's face because the physical traits of the person makes absolutely no difference in who it is. Just imagine in your mind's eye being with another, doing the activities you enjoy doing, and feel the love, the warmth and the togetherness of being a couple. Vision things you can do together which bring joy to your life and vision the type of relationship you choose to be in. Thoughts, which are mixed with emotions, become a "magnetic" force, which attracts other similar, or related thoughts into your life. So continue thinking and feeling positive thoughts about a relationship and your life.

Now comes the difficult part. After you've created your relationship vision and your ideal partner list, you need to throw them both away. Yes, throw them away and just get on with your life! Because the universe now knows what you're looking for and will support you in finding this as long as the need to have a partner is not greater than the joy you have presently in your life. You know the saying, "when you quit looking then you find someone," well this is why. So now you just go out, have fun, go on lots of dates and enjoy your life.

Sooner or later you'll find someone that's very close to what you're looking for in a relationship but maybe not in the package you thought it would come in. Maybe they're shorter or taller than your ideal, or have less money than you had hoped, or have been divorced a couple of times. When you go out with the intention of enjoying each other as individuals and not as an agenda to be accomplished these things don't really matter.

For both sexes this takes risks but it's a lot better than spending Valentine's Day at the Laundromat. Short-term, uncommitted relationships encourage women to learn about men and men to learn about women so when the ideal partner shows up you'll be better prepared.

Some great places today to find potential dates and partners are coffee shops, bookstores, wine tasting, open mike night, single functions, on-line dating, charity events, personals, etc. The real key is not to stay at home waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to call you. Get out and do something and make yourself available. Learn to smile, assert yourself and project a positive image. Be an attractive person inside and out and you won't have to sell yourself. People will automatically be attracted to who you are and what you have.

Now for the tricky part. You've found one particular person you want to spend time with and things are looking good, feeling good and sounding good. How do you know if this is the right one? You start the process by being vulnerable and honest and open and see what the other person does with it. Begin by revealing yourself and what you're looking for in life and in a relationship, and see what the other person does with it. You do not need to disclose every detail about your past, only reveal what is relevant to your life today.

If they aren't comfortable with the way you balance your checking account or deal with your ex-wife, now is the time to find out. Ego kills relationship and if someone's ego gets in the way of the truth it will soon become apparent. This is the chance for them to step up to the relationship plate or you say NEEXXTTT!

In closing, the real secret to finding an ideal mate is living the life of your dreams NOW! Don't wait until you have a partner or enough money or enough education or the right clothes - do it today. Now is the right time to live the best life you can and you will attract the best into it. Remember, someone can only love you to the same degree you love yourself, so now is the time to love yourself and your life!

Sherri Hughes Sokol, C.Ht. utilizes a combination of spiritual and personal coaching along with Hypnotherapy and Reiki in her practice with clients and is also available for speaking engagements and workshops. Her office is located with Integrated Health Care, 5816 Creedmoor Rd., Suite 205, Raleigh, and phone 919.861.8890, ext. 307.