Insights and Answers

by Rachel Rowlson, CCSW, LMFT, CHT

Dear Rachel: I dreamed that I came inside the house of my long time ex-boyfriend who got married about 3 months ago. I have been very upset that he married. Although I don't want to live with him and hope he is happy, it has been a shock. I have nobody and feel left out. In the dream, I was in his house at night and was soaked from the rain outside. I had a towel around my head. I wondered how I got there. I looked out the back window and there was a tent and sleeping bag in the yard - all wet with mud running over it. Then I turned around and peered through the kitchen into the bedroom, and he and his wife were asleep in the bed. I was so afraid, wondering how could I get out of there before they woke up screaming, thinking I was a burglar or something? All I wanted was to get out of there. But how without making noise? Then I woke up. But this dream has really disturbed me. Can you help me figure out what this means? D.S.M. Efland, NC

Dear D.S.M.: Thank you for sharing this dream. Your situation is not unusual, and your dream includes many elements common to those in similar pain. An understanding of your dream can be helpful to many.

Your dream is telling you that you have maintained an energetic connection to your ex that you have not been able to release. The rain can represent two opposing factors at the same time. It can represent your efforts to cleanse yourself of your connection to your ex and, at the same time, it can represent your tears and pain of loss. The towel around your head expresses a lack of moving forward without him. Being stuck in the past keeps a barrier between you and clear spiritual energy. The towel also represents "fuzzy" thinking on your part. You think you have let go, but you have not. The fuzzy thinking can also relate to how you will handle future relationships. Will you compare all others to him? Can you allow love to grow for another before you release him? Will you try to replace him with someone similar-thereby repeating the same relationship mistakes again? Because you have been "camping out" in his backyard - not releasing him emotionally or energetically - you continue to muddy your own life and create a slippery, muddled future for yourself.

I hate to put this so bluntly because I am sure you do not mean to be this way, but you really are a burglar in their lives. Your energetic connection to him drains his energy on some level. Have there been times in your own life when you felt tired for no reason, could not think as clearly as usual, or felt distracted? These are the effects someone can have on us if they do not let go when it is time to do so. Your holding on is probably giving you similar symptoms.

Your dream is telling you to find a way to disconnect from him and to stop feeling left out. I am worried that you put too much emphasis on being in a loving relationship. Although being in love with someone is wonderful, life can be just as fulfilling in other ways. You do not need a new boyfriend to be whole and you cannot feel left out if you are busy creating positives in your own life. How can you help others? How can you make a difference in this world? How can you change a situation to make it better? Who can help you? You will discover how wonderful you are when you put yourself out to help others.

Focus your attention on creating a better world and you will create a better world for yourself. Such an attitude of giving and caring will draw to you people of similar interest. I bet you will find a new love when you discover your love of life and of yourself.

Rachel Rowlson integrates 20 years experience as a psychotherapist with a lifetime of training in metaphysical concepts and healing modalities in her work as a healer and intuitive counselor. Send questions to Rachel at 109 Breakers Place, Cary, NC 27511. Questions will only be answered in this column and may take several months to be printed.