Debbie Ford on the Shadow Process

Debbie Ford is an internationally recognized expert in the field of personal transformation and human potential. Her four books, including the national best-seller The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, have been translated into 22 languages and are used as teaching tools in universities and institutions of learning worldwide. Her latest book, The Right Questions, is currently in its fifth printing and has profoundly impacted the lives of thousands. She shares the following interview about her experience with shadow side integration.

In an ad for one of your books, you are described as being "comfortable dwelling in the shadow side of life." What is the shadow side of life?

The shadow contains all the parts of us that we are not at peace with. Whether it's our laziness, our neediness, our anger, our fear, or our weakness. The shadow is created when we transfer the parts of ourselves that we dislike - the aspects of ourselves that cause us embarrassment or shame, that we judge or continually try to fix or improve - into the "shadow" of our consciousness. Most people think that our shadow side is something to fear, run from, hide or suppress. But our shadow side, when it's reclaimed, when it's brought into the light, can give us all the gifts we are looking for. It can propel us to the life we desire. I am indeed comfortable dwelling in the shadow side of life, because I know with absolute certainty that the aspects of ourselves we once believed to be our deepest flaws are actually our greatest gifts.

Your work is about making peace with our shadow side. Why should we make peace with the parts of ourselves we don't like?

It's important to uncover and make peace with our shadows, because as long as there are parts of ourselves or our lives that with which we are not at peace, these emotional wounds send out a frequency like a radio signal that attracts more of that quality into our lives. What we resist, persists. When we are not comfortable with certain aspects of ourselves, we can be guaranteed that we will continue to attract people, events and circumstances that will reactivate our own discomfort. Only when we embrace our shadows can we receive the wisdom these parts of us are trying to communicate. When we are at peace with our dark side, we have a profound shift in perception that allows us to experience the parts of ourselves that once upset us as our teachers and guides. 

What happened in your life that forced or guided you to help people?

The thing that changed my life so dramatically was when I first saw the gifts of my own dark side. I had spent 7 years and $50,000 trying to get rid of parts of myself, manage parts of myself or overcompensate for parts of myself that I thought were unacceptable. What I finally learned was that it wasn't about getting rid of anything. It was about finding the gift of the dark side and integrating it. There are many forms of personal growth out there that are designed to help us find and accept our dark qualities. But what I learned is that the real work is about going beyond simple acceptance to real healing. It's about integrating, embracing, and seeing the gifts of your dark side. Once I discovered that truth for myself, I was deeply compelled to share it with others.

Are you living a fully integrated life? How?

The life I am living today is beyond anything I could have imagined. In fact, if you had asked me 10 years ago what my highest vision for my life was, I would have described my life as it looked three years ago. It just keeps getting better and better. And this is what happens for each of us when we learn how to love ourselves unconditionally, when we stop being victims and blaming others for the condition of our lives. I am continually in a process of personal development. I firmly believe that no matter where you are in your spiritual journey, there is always another level of love, gratitude, fulfillment and happiness to attain. I continue to do my own inner work. I listen to myself, I trust my instincts and I do my best to live my life in accordance with my own personal integrity.

What exactly does an Integrative Coach do? Can we call her in the middle of the night after a fight like a psychologist?

An Integrative Coach is not like a therapist. An Integrative Coach is someone who provides resources, strategies and support to help you reach your goals and make the changes you desire in your life. Like an athletic coach, an Integrative Coach encourages you to take action, they celebrate your victories, and they remind you of your goal when you feel like quitting. Their job is to support you in clarifying your goals and breaking those goals down into realistic, measurable action steps so that you can be certain that you are actually headed down the path to success. They provide accountability and they hold you to your word. An Integrative Coach is committed to your success and demands extraordinary results. They hold you to a higher standard than you usually hold yourself. They also have good professional boundaries, so I doubt if they would answer the phone if you called them in the middle of the night! You can find out more about this revolutionary form of coaching and view a list of Certified Integrative Coaches by visiting Default_XREF_styleREFwww.integrativecoaching.com.

Your marital status? Do you have any children? Where do you live?

I'm engaged to be married. I have a 9-year old son named Beau and I live in beautiful La Jolla, California.

What masks and strategies have you had to surrender to be yourself?

I spent years trying to be somebody I wasn't. My spiritual journey really started when I set out to discover who I was. In that search I discovered many personas, many masks that I used to protect my authentic self - tough, helpless, know-it-all, nice. and through the power of the inner work I've done I have allowed each one to fall away. The Shadow Process is designed to peel away the layers that hide our true self. There is a Rumi quote that I heard many years ago that really drove my spiritual search: "By God, when you see your beauty, you'll be the idol of yourself." Somehow, I knew that was the truth. When we have the courage to become intimate with all of ourselves - the dark as well as the light - we come face to face with our authentic selves. And we discover that we are absolutely lovable, even though we are flawed human beings.

Debbie Ford earned a degree in psychology with an emphasis in consciousness studies from JFK University, and in 2001, she received the Alumni of the Year Award for her outstanding contribution in the fields of psychology and spirituality. Debbie empowers people to design their lives in a way that reflects their deepest desires. She is the founder of the Institute for Integrative Coaching, a personal development organization that provides professional training for individuals who are committed to leading extraordinary lives. She also leads her acclaimed "Shadow Process Workshop," a three-day life-changing experience, several times each year. For more information about her products, workshops and coaching intensives, visit www.debbieford.com.

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