rituals and traditions of world religions...
The Sitting Shiva

by Vicki Merbler

The Jewish faith has three stages of mourning after a person’s death. The initial ritual is known as the “sitting Shiva.” The other two are conducted after the initial grieving process and, altogether, there is a year of ritual. The stages are intricate and very well planned for the soul of the deceased, but also for all the loved ones who remain living.    

The death and burial are concentrated on the deceased, not the mourners. The life of the person is celebrated and honored, and it is not considered appropriate to do otherwise.

Following the burial, the mourners enter their house to begin the sitting Shiva ritual. The persons who sit Shiva include those who have lost a parent, spouse, sibling or child. Together the family members sit in the house for seven days. The practice is conducted where the deceased lived as it is believed one’s soul remains in the home near the family.

Mirrors in the home are covered in respect to the lost one. This particular ritual is done as a reminder that the deceased’s soul is to be concentrated on, instead of one’s self.

The sitting Shiva are not expected to leave the house, but visitors are allowed to come in. The very first meal following burial consists of boiled eggs, bread, cooked vegetables, and coffee or tea. Naturally the foods represent various aspects of life as well as death. The most important aspect is that the spirit is whole, alive, and continues to nurture even when the physical body is gone.

When mourners or visitors come to the “Shiva House,” the time spent is very short and conversations are initiated by the family, not the visitors. It is very likely a visitor may bring food, make a nod of the head to the family, and sit with them. After a short time, if the family has not spoken, the visitor quietly gets up and leaves. The sitting Shiva are not considered hosts to their visitors but rather mourners with whom visitors sit. If a Shiva must go out in public, nightfall is considered the best because putting on a face for society during this time is not considered to be truthful to one’s self, nor to the deceased.

Many fine stories have been told throughout the years from the sitting Shiva. They come from the family telling funny incidents they recall. They make keepsakes for personal use, or sometimes the entire family may make something to represent the essence of the person’s soul. Some families report that they feel the deceased looking over them very strongly during this time. Others have reported that it was an experience never to be forgotten.

If you are ever visiting a Shiva House, try to remember not to talk unless the Shiva talks first. So much can be said by sitting for a few minutes and holding a person’s hand. And always take their lead when it comes to talking.

Vicki Merbler is a practicing spiritual medium, psychic, Master Reiki Healer, and intuition development teacher. She reads on the phone and in person by appointment. (910) 619-1084 or visit www.seebeauty.com to learn more.